My wife and I spend a lot of time with our son. Strange, I know. Not only are we (or one of us) always with him, but we are always with him; engaged with him, not listening to our ipod while he plays or we walk in the park, not trying to do something else while we are with him. With this has come some interesting issues.
Oftentimes while we are hanging out this familiar situation happens: toddler tries to learn a new thing (say, spinning a top) and after a certain amount of time, we feel we should show him how to do it. At this point, if we are being mindful we can catch ourselves and see the impulse to help arise and then let it fall. This doesn’t always happen and I have noticed that lately Alex is asserting himself when he feels we are getting into his business.
While it is helpful that he is asserting himself and assisting us in being mindful of letting him do things on his own, the message this sends – either now or when he gets old enough to read it like this – is one that says “here son, I am bigger and more talented at this, let me show you how to do it”. That’s more or less what we are implying, and Alex has fed me some “Papa no!” on more then one occasion when I have become too “helpful”.
Putting myself in his shoes, I will ask when I need some help (and he does). I may get frustrated and throw the toy across the room, but still there is no need to step in until I ask.
My wife and I are both slowly learning to let go of our impulses to “show him how it is done” and let him have at it. I’m sure he can’t wait until we’re better at it.
