The other day in Let Them Know What is Happening I wrote about how I left the house for a quick trip outside without telling my son who was sitting on his bike near the front door. As I left I heard through the door as he called “Papa!” and thought that I should have told him what was happening.
Well, to add some weight to my theory that this is a bad idea, an example from the book Aware Parenting which I have been writing about:
Here is an example of a minor, frightening event that could occur in the everyday life of an infant. Mother and baby are engaged in a cooing game, making loving sounds at each other. Baby is touching mother’s face. Suddenly the telephone rings, and mother puts baby down to answer it. This sudden withdrawal of a mother’s attention is upsetting and confusing for the infant…
The crux of the issue is that often children may not be familiar with the pattern that is happening, for example phones rings, mom goes away and then comes back later. Or dad leaves without saying goodbye but he’s just going out for a second and will be back right away. What do they think in these situations?
- Did I do something wrong, why didn’t he say goodbye?
- Is he angry?
- Why can’t I go with him?
What they think will depend on their familiarity of the situation, and when there is no familiarity it is open to their interpretation.
What I get now is that in these instances it is important to put ourselves in their shoes and to take the time to explain to them what is happening so they do not become confused by our behavior.
In new and unfamiliar situations, if they are old enough to understand you, help to them to understand what is going to happen before you do it.
