Yesterday morning I was up early, did some work, walked the dog and prepared some food to take my son to the park for our morning time together.
When we arrived we did the usual feed-him-the-grapes-on-the-swing thing, after which he played around on a few other pieces of park furniture before setting on a thing that is basically a round pole with a seat on top. This device lets them sit on the seat and be spun in a tight little circle. Why this is fun, I have no idea, but Alex was into it.
At some point he decided he wanted to share in the fun and invited me up to sit with him. I was honored for sure, even if spinning isn’t a great way to keep breakfast in its place. Anyways, I sat on the seat and popped Alex on my lap. He’s just a month short of two years old at the moment so we both fit rather well. We did a few sessions of short spinning with rests in between. He loved it, I was dizzy.
The right place at the right time
At some point during the fun, as we were resting between spin sessions, a water truck was passing the park and we could hear it on the road about 20-30 meters away, across some more toys, a footpath and thru the fence of the park. As the truck neared a traffic circle, some sort of air brake let out a loud-ish Pffft! At that moment I had my hands around Alex’s belly, and felt his diaphragm fire downwards as his body locked down his spine in the same manner as one might do just before jumping or lifting a heavy weight.
This reaction was more or less completely internal; no arm movement or other indicator of being suprised or scared and had I not had my hand on his tummy I would have had no idea of his reaction.
In his shoes
To put myself in his shoes, he maybe has no idea yet that the sound we heard was a truck. He certainly wasn’t paying attention to it as I was when I saw it nearing the traffic circle. For a little guy who is unable to identify the pattern of sounds as something that is harmless – in addition to being in a phase where he seems to be scared of many things – this was a surprising if not scary situation. And had I not been where I was I would have had no idea because his reaction was internal and very subtle.
Fear
Apparently all kids go thru a phase of fear after the amazing fearlessness they show when they are quite young. Alex has been scared of plants, trees and flowers for a while now, always approaching them cautiously to say hello. From his point of view he has no idea that a plant is harmless, much less the plants in the park and on street boulevards that move from the wind (even more frightening).
We have been able to get over the household plant fear thru the use of an intermediary – his stuffed animal dragon who was also afraid of house plants at one point. Once we explained to the dragon about plants and that they are our friends and not bad or scary, then Alex began to warm up to them too.
Parenting the fear
The thing I try and keep in mind is the thought does he have an experience with this yet? Has he had an interaction that he remembers that was safe, comfortable and allowed him to get to know whatever we are encountering at that moment? If not I try to leave him his space to explore while also being available for when his little hand reaches out for support.
It is an adventure that will eventually pass, but for now as a father I find it fascinating to try and understand what he is experiencing out there.
